I have had the privilege of doing 2 bible studies this year at RBC. First, Experiencing
the Spirit and now Beth Moore's James:
Mercy Triumphs. We finished it today! Doing these studies has brought several things to my attention and I am so glad!
I realized that I had stopped allowing myself to be vulnerable mostly to Christ, but that spilled over in my human relationships too. I struggled to be happy, not even realizing what I needed was Joy! I was trying to do too much on my own strength (with the help of family and friends), but not relying on Christ. Three kids in 2 and half years would be a lot for anyone (I think), so I thought it was normal that I felt overwhelmed. God was trying to help me, but I was holding on to my own strength. Slowly though He is breaking me down. I don't know why I have to be so stubborn!
Just recently, I realized that I have a REALLY hard time, trusting God with the "middle" things! I have no problem trusting Him for the big things or the little things. As you know, our entire house flooded about 6 months ago. Not for one second was I concerned about our health, shelter and even "things". I knew God had it all under control. Then less than a month ago we were on our way to our friend's house and were t-boned, by a lady going at least 50 mph. Again, God protected every hair on our heads!! Not to my surprise, I know He loves us deeply and protected us. On to the small things, you would laugh at the things that I pray for: finding a matching sock when I'm in a hurry, my phone or my keys (Can you tell I loose things a lot). For my kids to sleep well and be rested. I know that He cares about even the little things! He knows how scatterbrained I am and would never find these things on my own!
The "middle" things are the one's that get me. I don't even pray about them most of the time! My attitude, disorganization, time-management...the list goes on. The funny thing I have learned about these "middle" things, through the bible studies I have done this year, is not necessarily that I need to pray for those things (God certainly welcomes it), but that I need to pray for my heart to be broken and more like His! If I do THAT He will direct my personal short-comings! This is not to say that I am now always happy and organized, but I am finding much more joy in life, that I had somehow lost along the way.
I am so glad that God got a hold of me. Even though I don't like to be disciplined, I needed it! No one likes to be told they are doing something wrong, but I'm giving everyone permission to tell me! Call me out!. I've had several people tell me over the past few months that they can tell that I am happier now. I wish they had told me that I wasn't and that I needed to do something about it! My kids are even happier now! It's scary how much a mother's attitude can change everyone's attitudes.
Lord, help me to have a heart that breaks for what breaks Your's and give me Your Joy in my everyday life!!
